By Hilary Tam
True to the nature of the council’s name, the United States has entered a great crisis: in an alternate world where the cold war never reached its end, China has bombarded Taiwan (a key US partner), the major political party the National Progressive Party (the NPP) has been suspended, a million people flood the streets in protest, and, most shocking of all, a nazi mole has been confirmed to lurk in the U.S. Capitol.
Senators scrambled to maintain order, beginning with a debate over the newly submitted community directive, “Operation Matryoshka doll”: calling for the incitement of civil war in Soviet states to destroy the united communist front, send in military aid to resistance groups and launch a smear campaign against USSR military leaders. Head held high and blasting the US anthem, the (removed) speaker of the house Dennis Hastert passionately defended the directive, citing the need to mobilize the silenced masses. Dick Cheney also took the stage to rebut Holder’s claims, speaking on the importance of deterring the looming communist threat and accusing Holder of increasing polarization within the senate with his antics. Attorney general Eric Holder, however, described the violent nature of the directive as having a “gun to his mouth” (accompanied by a delightful visual demonstration with a fake pistol), citing huge national debt, the administration’s inability to solve domestic situations, and the delegate’s own desire to prioritize domestic reforms.
The senators then moved on to another pressing issue— whether or not to impeach the president George Bush. Many delegates pushed strongly for impeachment, believing that Bush largely ignored the America’s socio-economic issues, enabled the Nazi mole to thrive, and was responsible for, interestingly, the global energy crisis (the council then lapsed into an intense back-and-forth between Hastert who blamed Colin Luther Powell, the secretary of state, for causing the crisis; jumping to Powell’s defense, Holder demanded that Hastert take a drug test). More chaos unfolded when multiple senators then accused the pro-impeachment delegates of treason: that they were attempting to remove all lines of succession to seize power from the current president.
Bush then stepped up to clear his name. The president, assured, took the stage and declared the efforts to impeach him as an unwarranted, resource-wasting witch-hunt. He seemed, ultimately, able to unite the splintering senate with an outro that was met with thunderous applause: “The Greeks have Caesar, Christians have Jesus, and America has… me!”
In the moments leading up to the chairs’ final update for the council, delegates engaged in an intense, laughter-filled game of online Tetris; no matter how heated the arguments between senators could get, it seemed that all could find serenity in between the columns of colored blocks.
It was time: what would be the fate of the Bush Administration? The answer sent shockwaves through the Capitol building, which filled immediately with gasps and shrieks: planes hijacked by terrorists had crashed into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, obliterating Bush’s reputation and plunging the world into further chaos.
This marked the end of day 2 in the ISMUN crisis council. What would happen to America and the war-torn world is untold, but we can certainly – following in the footsteps of the whip-smart senators debating today – use our imaginations.
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